Interview with my Life Coach Linda Frank -Part 2

 Interview with my Life Coach Linda Frank -Part 2

Click on this link here to download and watch the 2nd part of our video interview!

                                                                

CREDIT: The script below is Transcribed for free by, otter.ai

Nafije Prishtina:

My next question actually, is going to be more in regards to decision making. And all I could think is that we do need those boundaries to be able to make up our minds and, you know, make decisions in a specific as what kind of job I should apply for, or who I should marry, or any of these topics that we have to make decisions on every day. So I, in my coaching practice, I see a lot of resistance, sometimes when people, you know, have like this passion about what they want to do in life, whether it is, you know, going back to school, or opening a business, their goals, and their dreams are so important to them, but they're afraid to make big decisions and take their responsibility, because of the fear that they're gonna mess it up or, you know, make mistakes. So how do you help these individuals or, you know, similar individuals with these kinds of challenges, so they can manage their thoughts and support the decision-making process? So they lift themselves up and they don't go back to their old habits, and doing just, you know, the minimum. Is that clear? Or was that too big of a question? 

Linda Frank:

Well, let me answer it, in the way that comes to me. And that is, first of all, I think the thing that I encourage people to do is to develop their intuition. And when I say intuition, I mean, trust their guts. So listen to your heart, and listen to your gut. And that takes some practice, especially given the fact that we didn't feel safe as children. And we learn not to trust ourselves. Typically, Now, some people have developed a deep trust in themselves. And I think we all have that and have developed it to one extent or another. And what I mean by that is, I'll give you an example. And that is sometimes we get very unconscious. And we, when we're driving, so we, let's say on a Saturday morning, let's say during the week, we go a particular way, we always go that way. And so on Saturday morning, we pull out of the driveway, and we automatically go that way, even though that's not the way that we wanted to go. And so we get into that automatic way of thinking. And then there are times when we're on the road, and I'm going to use driving examples because they're probably the most common that I come across. We decided to go a different way. And we don't know why. But maybe later we find out, Oh, there's an accident on the road that we normally take home. Or maybe we decide we're stopping at the grocery store. And in fact, we've avoided an accident that we might have been involved with. There are all sorts of reasons or we can we can look at, do we trust our intuition, when it comes to making a decision in our lives? Or not? Do we second guess ourselves? Do we have a lot of self-doubt? And if we do have a lot of self-doubts, let's look at what's underneath that? Why do we have self-doubt? It typically comes from childhood. It comes from whatever role modeling that we experience. And our parents don't mean to do that. They don't mean to make us question ourselves. But in fact, when they are critical of what we choose, and they don't give us an opportunity to make our own decisions. In fact, that kind of sets the stage for us to doubt ourselves and to question ourselves. 

So that would be one of the things but I think the other in terms of effective tools other than developing your intuition, is looking for signs asking the universe to help you. This is something that Nafije and I have talked about a lot of times because one of the other things that I do is I connect with nature a lot, and I walk in the woods a lot and one of the Things about walking in the woods that one learns that one has to pay attention, one has to be aware. Otherwise, you're going to trip over something or you're going to fall on your face or something is going to cross your path that you didn't want to deal with.

There's any number of things but connecting with nature, connecting with the world around you, is a way of listening. And I think that's another thing we, we get to develop our ability to listen to ourselves, and the world around us. So the world might be sending us a message. So for example, you might think that you want to do a job, I don't know. You want to do something in a particular way? And you just keep meeting obstacle after obstacle after obstacle and you're like, God, what is it? Like, okay, maybe I'm not supposed to do this. And maybe you are maybe you are not, maybe it's really about how committed are you to doing that thing? Or is it that the universe is saying, hey, you know, you're going in the wrong direction, this is not a good idea. So you have to kind of notice, right, you have to be perceptive, or learn to be perceptive about, okay, what's the message here? And if you don't understand it, ask for clarification. As the universe, the universe will tell you. It's very interesting. When you start to listen, you notice that there are lots of messages, you know, maybe there's a particular bird that you have a connection to that for you means truth or means freedom. And so when you have a decision to make, and you're thinking about, do I do this, or do I do this, and there's this bird that flies over, you're like, oh, okay, cool. Now, I know what I need to do. But I mean, these are just silly examples of things that you can do to connect more with how do I make this decision? How do I know this is the right decision for me at this time? And maybe it's not the right decision? Right? And maybe it is the right thing to do, but it's not the right time to do it.

Nafije Prishtina:

Oh, Yes, that's actually, I mean, I have so many examples of my own, you know, some of which you probably also know, like, you think you got all the ABCs in a row. And things just don't go the way you want. But then you think is the worst thing that this Plan A didn't work. And you just realize that, you know, because you were patient. And because you were willing to go with the plan B, something beautiful happened as a result. So thank you so much for reminding us that there's something bigger than us. And we are very much to trust ourselves and trust our intuition. I mean, we don't talk about that enough....talk about the process. If we don't learn to recognize the power that we have inside of us, then we're leaving off so much ..you know, we're wasting our energy.

Linda Frank:

possibility.

Nafije Prishtina:

Definitely, I love it. Yes, we were missing out on possibilities, what could have been? So I also liked that you made a very interesting connection in regards to, you know, when you're talking about trusting yourself, and then you use the word intuition. So it almost makes me think that that's what trust really is. Ehe, That's a big breakthrough for me

Linda Frank

Yeah, I think intuition is really listening to your heart and to your gut. And I think that they're very connected. I mean, they are, they're the way- I think they're the core to our survival and our thriving. And I think that that's a really important place to kind of pause and, and honor that because I think that what we want to do in our lives, so we want to thrive, we all want to thrive. And I think that our society and our culture has trained us in a way that maybe isn't in our in our best interest or in our highest good if you will And I think what's important to keep in mind is that a lot of people go to work, because they need a paycheck. And that really what's important is your joy. And maybe you don't do it every day, maybe you don't go to work and you feel that joy, I would invite you to look at what stops you from doing that. 

But the other part of that is, find joy in your day, find something that brings you joy every day. Because that's really important for you to find the joy, and to find that place where you can laugh. And where you can find people to share that with. Because that's what's important. And I think maybe that's one of the things that's, that's really come to the surface during this pandemic, and the situation that we're dealing with.

 And I think what's really important for us to remember is our health and our well being depends on us getting enough sleep, getting enough healthy food, to getting exercise, to having interactions, I mean, Zoom is a great example of how people have adopted and adapted to a situation where they couldn't be together. 

So I think that it's really important that our health and our well being is at the top of our list a lot of our maladies and our illnesses are because we're not listening to our bodies, our bodies are screaming at us, and we're ignoring what we put in our mouth makes a really big difference in how we feel. There's a connection, there's a mind-body connection that we have to pay attention to. Otherwise, it's gonna bite us on the butt. Just saying it's, it's kind of one of those things that we have to be aware of the connection between our thoughts, our feelings, what we eat, what we think, what we feel what we -it's all connected, it isn't like, there's just one thing, things are all connected, we are all connected. And we're connected to nature, and we need to pay more attention to what are the lessons that nature has to share with us. There's a lot of wisdom in the trees, there's a lot of wisdom in plants adapting to the environments that they're in. So I just want to say that one of the things that I do with clients is that I will sometimes invite them to go for a hike. Because there are a lot of lessons in the woods. And walking and talking is a wonderful way of opening one's heart.

Nafije Prishtina:

Oh, definitely I miss living nearby. So I could join you on those walks I really do. And yeah, we have to arrange that soon. So thank you so much for reminding us how we have the power to connect and you shared so much wisdom in regards to how important self-care is for our success, both in a minute-to-minute basis and for life. So I don't know if you know, but the motto for shining stars is that we shine from the inside out. And we focus on doing what matters most. So based on your wisdom here. That is what matters most. You paying attention to your thoughts, your feelings, and definitely how you're behaving, what you're eating, how much sleep you're getting. And, you know, we didn't talk so much about how we deal with other people. But I think how we deal with other people has a lot to do with how we deal with ourselves. Some days. Some days I smile more and I'm kinder and patient some days. If I'm not, you know, in a good mood, you probably will not like me as much so self-care. There's so much more to say about that.

Linda Frank:

There is there is I think the other part of that is taking time to get quiet, taking time to meditate taking time to reflect whatever What that looks like for you, maybe it's 10 minutes in the morning, maybe it's when you come home from work whenever it is, it's really important to give yourself the space to get quiet and just be still, that is probably one of the most difficult things for a lot of people to do.  I have clients that I have given them assignments to sit and do nothing for 11 minutes. And that is a great challenge for them. And I have to say the woman who was my therapist gave me that exercise and that homework assignment. And it was very challenging, but I have to say, it's been one of the most powerful teachings in learning that it is really important for us to slow down and to get quiet.

Nafije Prishtina:

Thank you for that, too. I mean, most people nowadays, feel like success is just how busy you are. And obviously, how much money you're making and how good you are at multitasking. So I'm curious to know, and this is a big question, if you mind, or if you don't mind, I guess is the right. Question.

Would you share with us? What does success look like for you? Like? What do you think it is to be successful for shining stars?

Linda Frank:

I think shining stars and everybody else on the planet. I think success is about doing what you love to do, and it makes you happy doing the best that you can find that you can. Finding a path that fits who you are, and finding people who make you feel good about you. I think that success is a word that maybe people use in a materialistic sense. And consider that accomplishments that lead to greater income are the answer. And sometimes, if you're doing what you love, that's there is financial reward in that. But I think what is more important is that you are content with yourself, that you feel good about who you are, what you're doing, the contribution that you're making, and that you feel good. At the risk of repeating myself, you feel good about who you are, who you are as a person, what you're doing, how you're doing it, and who you're doing it for. And I think that's a really important thing to keep in mind around what is success, maybe you maybe you want to look at redefining success for yourself, in terms that feel good.

 And I think that so there's a person who was instrumental, I think, in bringing in the law of attraction to the world in a really powerful way. And part of it was the secret but Abraham is a an entity who a woman channels. And Abraham talks about, there's nothing more important than finding a better feeling thought. And I think that is a really important thing. Because whatever we focus on positive or negative is what we attract to us. And so if we live by that the more we think positive thoughts, the more we attract positive things into our lives. And that doesn't mean we can't think a negative thought. That's not That's not what I'm saying. If we focus, if we stay in that place, then we are going to attract it to us. If we're always naysaying and being negative and speaking badly of people, and we're going to attract that to us, if we speak highly of other people, if we feel good, if we think things that are positive, then, and that's what we're gonna attract to. And I think that there's a lot of wisdom in creating a vision for yourself about what you would like to have in your life, who you want to show up as, and include the emotion, that's probably the most important part, the emotion of how does it feel, being the person that you want to be?

Nafije Prishtina:

Oh, I said, Wow, so many times today, and I mean it ...cool. Yes, the vision, making a connection with our vision and our success and how we feel right now, not just the possibilities of how wonderful I'm gonna feel when I read this big goal that I have, I will feel good when I meet that goal. And as I think Asian wisdom quote says that, you know, life is a journey, not a destination. So, there's so much that comes to my mind, from your wisdom, and the concept that you know, true success is about doing what you love. And, you know, doing what makes you happy while you're doing it. And then you brought up people, people, feeling good about the people that are in your life and how they're influencing you. For that reason, I have to take just a second and say how blessed I am to have people like you in my life, who make me a better person, I would not be where I am today, if I didn't have the influence than I do. So thank you.

Linda Frank:

Thank you, Nafija.

Nafije Prishtina:

Would you like to take a break? Because we have two more questions. Let's take some Let's drink some water. Sure.

Linda Frank:

Yeah, I'm ready when you are to restart. 

Nafije Prishtina:

Yep. Awesome. Awesome. All right. Um, Linda, thank you so much for this wisdom. And we don't want to take too much of your time today. Because I know, we are going to invite you again. And hopefully, you'll come and speak with us. But I have a few more questions. And I would also invite you to give us some closing remarks at the end. So let's so I have a question here. So what advice do you have for people who have some issues that they aren't managing, or coping with? They just, you know, the challenges are so difficult, or so they seem to us sometimes they were not even, you know, willing to deal with those issues. So how do you help these people? What advice do you have?

Linda Frank:

I think the first thing is to take deep breaths. First thing is to calm yourself down. Because we don't think very well when we're under a lot of stress. Um, and as the example, I gave before, when you look at a one to 10 scale, when you get to above a five, you're not thinking as clearly as you can think when you're at a two or four. And so I think what's really important is to recognize that you're not thinking clearly that you're stressed out. And, and probably it would be really helpful to calm yourself down before you do anything. And if you're not coping well, you have ways that you calm yourself down, even if you listen to music, you go for a walk. You go and do something to take your mind off of whatever it is that's going on. But you have coping mechanisms that you use. And if those coping mechanisms aren't working, then try adding breathing deep breaths, as Nafije said, mindful breaths, and just notice what's triggering, what is it that's bothering you, and to recognize, if there's a trigger, then what is that about? Where is it coming from? Why do I feel this way? So really having a conversation with yourself and finding a way to calm yourself down, I think is probably the first thing that you need to do. 

The other is, if you don't feel like you can do that in an ongoing way, then I would say finding a therapist would be a really good thing to do. And when I say finding a therapist, I think that's a really important thing to give attention to. And it may be that you pick the perfect person, as you're looking for a therapist. And that's something that you can potentially trust. But if you don't feel connected with that person, and that you don't feel like they're the right person for you, then find another one. There are a lot of therapists out there. And I think that it's important that you feel as if you can trust that person. And you can express what it is that you're not expressing. And that may take a couple of sessions. It may be immediate, you may know, yeah, this is the person. And typically, I think we do know if we can trust a person. But again, I don't know what your particular situation is. And I know that when I talk to potential clients, I say, tell me a little bit about your situation, and to see if there's a good fit, and maybe that first appointment, you know, you filled out the paperwork, and you come in, and we've determined No, this isn't going to work. And I think that's fair. Sometimes that happens, that the therapist that we think is going to be able to help us, in fact, is not the right person for us. And so I think that it's important to honor your gut again, and to kind of check in with yourself and say, you know, is this the right person, if this is the path that I'm gonna go down, but I think getting help talking to someone is, is really important. Because sometimes you get to a place where you're not able to manage it, you're you've gotten to that place where you're like, I can't do this anymore. And I think recognizing that and giving yourself permission to get help is a really powerful place to stand and to empower yourself.

Nafije Prishtina:

Definitely, I like that you explain for us, again, how important the triggers are for us, for us to identify them, and then deal with those triggers. By using the existing calming mechanisms, whatever that means for you. Personally, I like to meditate and pray. Walking helps me a lot by talking with people that I trust and love that always helps me. So basically finding healthy ways to soothe ourselves. And just remember, I think what helps me the most is remembering that, you know, there's problems in life, there's situations, and understanding that that's part of life. And it's temporary. And you know, tomorrow is going to be a new day. So it just gives me so much you know, power to resolve whatever is going on in my life.

Linda Frank:

Thank you remember that this too will pass. It's not it isn't a life or death situation. And you know if it is a life or death situation, then to address it as such. Because sometimes situations do come up. I mean, there are some times when you feel that there's no other way and there are hotlines for that, to me. I think that suicide for people who are contemplating suicide, do need to reach out for help. That it is important to let people know that you're really at a crossroads and you're having a difficult time. That's super important.

Nafije Prishtina:

Yes, it's so good to know that there are resources. Obviously, as a life coach, I come across, you know, things related to stress management a lot is my specialty as a life coach. So we're talking, you know, everyday stress versus like something crazy happens. And now you have to learn how to live your life in a different way. So thank you for reminding us that, you know there is other resources out there. And definitely, I'm a big advocate for therapy. So there's nothing to shy away from. Therapists are definitely, you know, more trained to deal with some things that coaches can't deal with. And it's very much clear in the contract for, you know what potential clients can come to work with us, as coaches versus not. So it's so good to know that we have also therapists in our network, I know you're super busy. But if you ever are willing to take on more clients, will be happy to have you in our circle.

The last question for us is, how can we do better and shine more with ourselves as individuals so that we can bring our best selves wherever we go, you know, with our friendships, with our family, with our co-workers, etc?

Linda Frank:
So thanks, think it's a great question.
What I would say is that the more that we learn to accept ourselves
all of our cells, the parts that we like and the parts that we don't like, and that we forgive ourselves for our imperfections.
So our imperfections are part of who we are. Every part of us is important and to also acknowledge others for not being perfect.
And to and to accept them, even though they're not who we want them to be. And that's really hard sometimes because we have really high expectations of ourselves and other people and I think it's, it is an ongoing challenge, to really learn to accept yourself and to not only accept yourself but to respect yourself and to honor yourself.
I think that that that is really important, to acknowledge yourself for the parts that are good and to kind of look at and say okay, these are the parts that that are part of me and I accept them. And these are parts I want to work on. These are parts that are causing me to not have harmony in my life.

Nafije Prishtina:
Thank you. Yes. Wow.
So much wisdom in there. I think that's where most of our challenges come from, you know, not feeling that we're good enough or perfect. There's no such thing as perfect anyway, I don't know how we weren't bad fun. And then I saw I think accepting our weaknesses.

Linda Frank:
I would say instead of weaknesses, I would say our limitations. I would have been what are the things that get in our way? What are the obstacles that stand between us and who we want to be or what we want?

Nafije Prishtina:
Yes, perfectly said nothing. No follow up questions. Just a lot of gratitude for all this wisdom that you shared. With us. And I wanted to give you the opportunity for any closing remarks before I let you go.

Linda Frank:
I don't think so, I think we're good. I think the one thing that I that I would like to include as a closing remark is that not only is it important for us to be responsible for ourselves, but it's also important that we hold healthy boundaries with the people around us and that we hold them accountable for being responsible for themselves. Because it's only through being responsible for ourselves and recognizing that we are getting triggered and that pointing fingers and blaming is not helpful. It doesn't help us and it doesn't help the situation and oftentimes, it's way more helpful to say okay, I'm getting triggered. I recognize something's going on. I'm not sure what it is. But when we think about it, and let me come back.
And if two people can do that, I think a lot of it is about communication. And it's effective, respectful communication, and listening to one another. It is so important because we really don't listen. And that is probably one of the biggest reasons for miscommunications is we don't listen and we don't ask questions. And so if we don't understand something or something isn't clear to us, then we have a responsibility to say - please explain that because this is what I understand. Is this what you mean?
I think there's a lot of times when we misunderstand and that that's a huge place for conflict.

Nafije Prishtina:
Wow, we finish strong communication is everything indeed and taking responsibility and how we understand other people and asking for clarification. There's just so powerful. I have to say, Linda, this interview is over but I have to say that this is just making me think of all the questions I have for you in regard to that....for the next episode, again asking to much but honestly thank you so much.

Linda Frank:
You are so welcome it's been my pleasure and my honor to be here and share with you the way that I work and the way that I work with people and that and that you want me to share that that that is just a real honor for me. So thank you. Thank you so much. It is my honor to share my life coach with other shining stars and like I said you know they already know you know they thought you better.

Nafije Prishtina:
So we look forward to having you again and podcast and yeah, thank you so much.

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