How’s Your Communication Style Serving YOU?

How’s Your Communication Style Serving YOU?

By, Nafije & Kathy

Have you ever heard of the phrase Know thyself! This motto is inscribed on the frontispiece of the Temple of Delphi in Greece. This phrase suggests that man must “examine their life” and live according to her/his nature. What great wisdom, and powerful motto this phrase contains. It is a vital reminder for all of us to sit back and reflect on our communications. We can take the wisdom from the quote and “practice” communicating, to enhance our personal leadership skills so we can “perform at our desired” level!

In my cognitive science research, I learned that there are many communication styles, but they all fit into four main communication styles: Analytical, Direct, Supportive, and Initiating. Many theories explain the four main types of communication styles, and they agree that our style of communication is often “situational.”  We all have the dominant styles we use with different people and we also can influence our communication style to fit our goals. This is because, our behavior, is made up of more than just our communication style; it is made up of our ATTITUDE, PERSONALITY, and INTENTIONS. For this blog, I want to focus on the importance of our “natural communication styles” and how it affects each one of us.

As a matter of fact, research on leadership from Hackman & Johnson, 2013, shows that one main factor that contributes to variations in leader effectiveness is communication style. According to their research “To be effective, leaders must both tailor their communication styles to the self-identification level of their followers and, at the same time, help followers change how they view themselves” (Hackman & Johnson, 2013, p. 65).

All my life, I wanted to know what makes someone a good leader and why different people communicate differently. As the years have passed, my interest in this question remains. As a personal leadership coach, I realize that to be effective with my clients, I have to go deeper and evaluate/adjust my communication style, and always try to find ways to communicate with people who have different communication styles than me!

I know now, that my dominant style of communicating is a mix of the direct and supportive styles. What this means to me is … that I’m very much goal-oriented. I have made it my mission in life to use my time and energy well, support my goals, and empower others to achieve their goals. I’m a great listener and I listen with my heart. Now, I also know that I don’t do very well with small talk. I can only do “joking around” for a very short period and sometimes “I kill the fun.” I take charge in a conversation asking others to create an intention to guide the conversations. I ask questions “What do we want to focus on talking about today” and I’m known for taking initiative and calling for action “defining goals and priorities.” I tend to operate from this place because I respect others' time and support them. For example, I’m the first one to tell people who complain that “they have a choice to shine, or just whine about why life or (task) is not going the way they want.”

I’m very much aware of my communication style and I am good at working with others who have different styles. Thanks to my parents, I learned early on that communication is a key life skill. Most importantly, my parents taught me that for my words to have weight, they had to match my ACTIONS. This model has served me well in my personal life, and thankfully in my professional life too. My clients tell me that they appreciate my “natural” communication style because even though I can be very direct, I use supportive strategies that empower them to step up and be more mindful leaders. Honestly, at this time in my life, I can say with confidence that my communication style is responsible for my success in life and business.

Let’s focus on six “universal” communication attributes that you can PRACTICE to enhance your communication skills and become a better leader:

• Know yourself and your dominant communication style: pay attention to your nonverbal communication….
• Understand that others have different communication styles: Be flexible to others' “followers” style….
• Be goal-oriented: direct, specific, and clear. ...
• Listen more than you speak: Follow the 80/20 rule….
• Be Intentional: Be respectful of others' time/goals….
• Let your heart lead your words: People may not agree with your style, but your intentions speak louder than your words…
• Empower others: they may not remember your “words” but they will remember how you made them feel…

Our communication skills help us perform better in this dance called life. Indeed, practice is required…the actual performance in our everyday communication, “our life dance” consists of our WORDS AND DEEDS. I encourage you to use your words and do deeds that communicate what you value and CARE about. Share your words/deeds and communicate RESPECT. Share your words/deeds and communicate WISDOM. Share your words and communicate GRATITUDE and most importantly, share your words of FORGIVNESS if and when you make a mistake- this is how you improve your communication style and shine from the inside out.

Career Coach Kathy’s Input:

Nafije’s research is so interesting, bringing a new challenge to step back and think about how we communicate. Is there a name for my common communication style; “open mouth, insert foot”? That is likely due to my heart leading my words and my complete honesty and transparency. This is central to who I am. But I will be closely following Nafije’s advice, to be a better human being, a better leader and shine from the inside out.

When in job-search mode, candidate’s communications are evaluated at every turn. Even without words, you are speaking volumes. You make an impression on employers with your hair style, clothes, tattoos and even your shoes. By the time you are moving forward in the selection process and have an onsite interview, many people have viewed your resume and a phone interview has been completed. How you illustrate your value in your resume and the way you come across on the telephone are critical to the process. If you are not satisfied with the results of your job search, take a step back and analyze your communications. If you are not shining from the inside out, let Nafije or me help.

Learn more about the authors:

Contact Nafije@ShiningStarsConnect.com to learn about her Time-Self Management Training to help you become a leader in life.

Contact Kathy@MyCareerTeam.com to learn the skills to find a GOOD Job. Trust Kathy Shabotynskyj, Recruiter, Career Coach and co-author of How to Find a GOOD Job in 90 Days,  to improve your Job Search skills to land the job of your dreams.

Check Out our Previous Blogs:
Don't Give Up!
https://shiningstarsconnected.blogspot.com/2020/05/never-give-up.html